15 ways to make 2015 better

It's time to say our bittersweet goodbyes to 2014 and welcome the New Year. I guess the typical human being greets a new year with that "new year, new me" façade that we all loathe, coupled with resolutions about bettering themselves but the fact that I'm still not Victoria's Secret skinny and haven't managed to trick a country music sensation into falling madly in love with me (I'm talking to you Brett Eldredge) is enough to prove that resolutions, for me anyways, are a bunch of bullshit. That's why I have decided to put together a list of achievable goals that every twenty something (or most specifically those of us who are approaching mid-late twenties) can hopefully relate to and/or appreciate.

1. Don't get married. But if you absolutely have to, make sure the wedding is fun and you invite lots of eligible bachelors for your friends.

2. Don't have kids. Unless you really want to, then just make sure your kid is cute enough to subject your social media followers to daily updates of that slobbery baby. Wondering how you'll know? Well, if your baby is cute people will comment things like "Awwww what a doll! I can't get enough of these pics of this sweet angel!" And if your baby is a monster they'll say stuff like "Aww I love his outfit. He looks so good in that hat." You get it.

3. Find a mean best friend. I'm not talking about someone who pushes you down stairs or tries to steal your boyfriend, I talking about a brutally honest, fiercely loyal friend who always and I mean ALWAYS shoots it to you straight. There are a lot of "Shave Your Head Friends" (that's someone who if you ask them if you would look good bald they would hand you the clippers and talk you into fucking up your life) out there and we all need that someone who isn't afraid to tell us that hippy headbands aren't for everyone and skinny jeans and sneakers is never a good look.

4. Always keep it cute! UNLESS you and your friends have reached an agreement that in a certain circumstance it is acceptable to go from classy to gangsta faster than you can say "bless your heart", where in turn this resolution is null and void.

5. Always wash your make up off after going out. Trust me. I know sometimes after a beer or six that's the last thing you care about but there is nothing worse than waking up confused, walking into your bathroom and the first thing you see is Ursula the Sea Witch staring back at you and your whole day is gone in that moment.

6. Make an effort to keep in touch with your friends. I know, I know, you're all living in different places and you're busy and super important but that's what group texting is for. It's unacceptable not to. If Beyoncé has time to Instagram you have time to text your college roommate.

7. Do what makes you happy until it doesn't make you happy anymore. Then do something else. It's that simple.

8. Listen to your friends when it comes to guys. They aren't going to lie to you and they want you to be happy. If they tell you the guy you like looks like Ross Geller on bath salts then he probably does. Nine times out of ten your friends will detect any fratastic douche, mama's boy or jobless idiot way before you will.

9. Put yourself first. Don't go all crazy and start fronting people in line at the DMV or anything but in life, especially now, I think its important to be your own biggest fan. I've been told numerous times that your twenties are about being selfish and doing exactly what you want so do just that. Right now you're the only thing you have to worry about...that's it! Hell, if you want to lay around in your underwear all day and watch Bob's Burgers you do that! Enjoy your financial freedom, finding a career that you love, learning about yourself and even getting weird when you feel like it.

10. Be impulsive. If you are a logical person you probably tend to think of something awesome and then two minutes later start to reason with yourself and talk yourself out of what could quite possibly the coolest thing you've ever done. This was my resolution this past year and how I ended up with my precious dog, Cathy, a pretty cool job in the sunshine state and what made me book a trip to NYC on a whim. *pats weave*

11. Don't go to bars/clubs that let in people under 21. You're too old for that...seriously you'll be the oldest person there and that is never fun. It's depressing to see young college coeds in their prime bee bopping around to the latest Katy Perry remix while you drink your craft beer (because you're also going to stop drinking the shit beer that is on special) and think about how much you'd rather be in your bed.

12. Save your money. Not just for house and unexpected expenses and stuff like that but for fun things and trips with your friends. This is the only time you will be unattached and able to take impromptu vacations with your besties to a foreign land. While you're there you can even have a little fun and convince your parents that you met a local and decided to get married and not get on your flight home the next day like I did! However, I must warn you that your parents WILL NOT think it is funny worth a damn.

Sorry, mom and dad.

13. Buy quality clothing. You are a young professional now and Forever 21 is unfortunately just the name of a store. You have no business entering any store blaring techno music. Most of those clothes are worthless after one wash anyways. I know from experience. Once the crotch of your pants unknowingly unravels in front of a table full of old construction men at Subway you never go back.

14. Drink alcohol in moderation. Hahaha. Yeah, I couldn't say that with a straight face either. I guess at least resolve to do so in front of older family members and on days of the week that don't end in "Y".

15. Call your mother.

Happy Birthday, Crazy

Because this is generally the time of year when people try to give an overwhelming amount of thanks to make up for the prior months where they most likely spent the majority bitching about how stressful their lives are and binge watching reality television (I know I'm not the only one), lately I have been reflecting on what I am most thankful for. The usual blessings hold precedence like my family who loves me despite the amount of profanities I accidentally use in front of my grandmother, my friends who know me inside and out and for whatever reason still decide to invite me places and my unrivaled ability to memorize and execute an impressive number of Beyoncé's dance routines. But since moving 1,000 plus miles away from my hometown where I initially didn't know a soul and literally had no idea what I was doing, I have learned to be appreciate life's uncelebrated fortunes.

I am thankful that I was raised by my crazy southern mother. That's right, I said it!

Not saying that there is anything wrong with how you were raised I'm just saying that you missed out. Sorry bout' it. I'm not talking about the Lilly Pulitzer infused, go to college to earn your MRS degree, sip tea with your pinkies out south (not that I don't have an appreciation for some of those things), I'm talking bout' the good ol' "yes ma'am", mo' butter mo' better, eating at your grandmother's house every Sunday kind of southern upbringing.

My mother was born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia and when she married my dad and moved to his somewhat rural hometown in North Carolina to live on a farm, she evolved into a magnolia hybrid who eventually developed an equal appreciation for designer handbags and deer antler home décor. Even though she has spent most of my life convincing others that I am in fact her daughter because I GUESS its hard to believe that a tiny blonde lady could somehow be responsible for the creation of a 6'1" brunette with shoulders a JV football player would kill for, the older I get the more I slowly transform into my mom and my sharp tongue and conversational hand gestures are the only proof my friends need to remind me of that on a daily basis. I learned everything I know from Crazy and since today is her birthday I couldn't think of any better way to show my appreciation for my tell it like it is, hilarious, sometimes embarrassing southern biddy of a mother.



1. You can never put a price tag on a good hair day.

2. Designing Women isn't "just a show" and there is much to learn from it's characters.




3."You don't drink to get drunk"

Well, then you're doing it wrong.


4. Any minor "problem" can be fixed with a fresh pedicure and eyebrow wax. It's literally like you are a new person.

 

5. Never underestimate the power of manners, proper etiquette and southern hospitality

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

6.There's always room for a monogram and its completely normal to have quotes embroidered on various objects throughout your house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My mother actually has this one in our kitchen. #Bless
 

 

7. You should always have the ingredients to whip up an impromptu meal as you never know who might stop by and invite themselves to stay for dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

8. "Dry it up. Crying never accomplished anything."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

8. I can always count on her to have an opinion about what I'm wearing and she'll say stuff like: "You should probably get a spray tan before you wear that" or "Aren't you a little old to be wearing shirts with words on them?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who knew graphic tees had an age limit?

 

9. Sometimes its best to bite your tongue and let your face do the talking. Lord knows if looks could kill my mother would have been on the FBI's Watch List a long time ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10. Always save your bacon grease because FLAVOR that's why.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, when in doubt add butter.

 

 

11. A weekly trip to your local TJ Maxx or Marshall's is necessary and it's completely acceptable that the cashiers know you by name.  

 

 

 

 

 

12. Supposedly using profanity isn't "ladylike"

 

 

 

 

...well shit

 

13. There is no limit to how much reality television is acceptable to watch on a weekly basis!

 

 

 

14. Best friends are as good as family and you should always look after each other.

 





 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#FiercelyLoyal

 

15. Take care of your brother.

 



 

 

 

 

The only 4 yr old to ever to dominate business in the front, party in the back


I am thankful for what my mother tried to instill in me and I was obviously more susceptible to some things more than others. I could go into detail about the meaningful, character building, sentimental attributes my mother also passed along to me but that would require me to get emotional and that's not what this blogging thing is all about! Regardless of how crazy my mother is she is my Crazy. My friends and I typically refer to her as just that, a term of endearment of course, but we better not hear about anyone else trying it!

Some of the best one liners I have ever heard have come from my mother when my girlfriends and I are getting ready to go out on the town and you can almost guarantee that before we head out she will make it known that "There is nothing worse than that drunk girl at the bar. I better not hear about any of y'all being that girl." I wish I could say that we never let her down but I can promise you we never let her find out about it. Actually, looking back all the questionable things we've done or gotten in trouble for were all things she warned us about. Good looking out, Mom!

I wouldn't be the strong, straight shooting woman I am today had it not been for her. My dad played a big part in my development too of course but I'll leave that for another post. Mom, I am thankful for you. Even though you sometimes drive me crazy and I'm almost positive that if given the choice my friends would rather hangout with you any day, I love you more than all the shoes in your closet and all the Real Housewives episodes you've DVR'd. Thank you for claiming me even after that time I cussed out that referee at a basketball tournament when I was 14 (we can agree that he deserved it). Lady, you are a gem! Also, I'm sorry for that time I set the carpet on fire in the playroom upstairs and lied about it. At the time I had no idea hairspray was so flammable.


Happy 30th Birthday, Mom! 



shhh...just go with it

 

Ho Ho No you didn't!: 11 people you should avoid this Christmas

It's that time of year again! Time to wish good tidings to all and use the word "tiding" in a sentence and it not sound weird. I love the holiday season and usually there is nothing anyone can do to put a hitch in my giddy up but there's always those select few who unknowingly try. Since moving to Florida, the state winter forgot, six months ago, I have found it to be harder to be my usual cheerful holiday self regardless of how many times I watch "Elf". A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that I'm far away from my hometown and not reaping the benefits of my mother's cooking and chic holiday décor but mostly due to the people I encounter on a daily basis. Some of you out there are probably experiencing the same situation but don't fret. I have compiled a list of people that you could potentially encounter this holiday season and the sooner you can pick them out of the crowd the sooner you can proceed in the other direction and bring joy to the world!

Hallmark Hater
You know the one. He's the guy who hates how materialistic every holiday has become, is down with big business and boycotts all gift giving practices. This guy is the worst. However, I'll bet all the money in my wallet that if given a present they would whole-heartedly accept. Translation, this guy is a greedy cheapskate who has nothing better to do than be the opposition and ruin the fun for everyone else. Get off your soapbox and sit down, sir and while your at it go comb your hair and shave your soul patch. If you're going to be downer at least look presentable.


Seasonal Suzy Homemaker
All year long  they might use their kitchen a total of 4 times and suddenly around the holidays they become Martha Stewart's understudy and want to make damn sure that everyone on social media knows it. Sure, your DIY attempt to make festive garland out of stuff that no one cares about was moderately impressive, but is it really necessary to make cakes, pies, cookies, and sprinkle covered everything every single day? Who is eating all of this? Glad to see you're carefree and enjoying yourself. Can't wait for you to post a pic of yourself in the gym January 1st.


Christmas Couples
It's their first holiday together and they are soooo excited. You know this because they tell you in all the pictures they post of them cutting their Christmas tree, kissing under the mistletoe and exchanging gifts everyday since Thanksgiving. While I can promise you that all of your friends and family are happy for you, really we are...we get it. Get married already and have a baby. I can handle an excess (within reason) of baby pictures (if you're baby is cute).


Gifter of Guilt
You may know this person, you may not. Regardless they are going to give you a really nice, thoughtful gift and make you feel like shit. Now I appreciate selflessness, generosity and anyone who is in the holiday spirit but c'mon, really? If you don't know my last name or more importantly my dog's name (it's Cathy) please don't get me anything. You're so sweet and the world needs more people like you but don't. Don't do it.


The "Let's Make a Memory" Lady
They always have a camera out, taking "candids" of you opening up your presents or unflattering pictures of you stuffing your face with ham. Don't want to take a picture? Doesn't matter. We only get the whole family together a few times a year and we are going to remember this day damn it!! This is my mother through and through. She has a video of my brother and I on Christmas morning from every. single. year. Now, Crazy, if you're reading this and I know you are because you always nervously read my posts hoping I don't say anything inappropriate, listen up. This year I am drawing the line. I love you and respect your reasoning behind wanting to film my brother and I opening up the presents "Santa" brought us (She still addresses the presents from the big guy. She's adorably embarrassing) but at 24 and 25 years old, I refuse to hold my brothers hand while walking down the stairs Christmas morning in matching pajamas. #StopWhiteMoms2014


The Regifter
Well, you should be ashamed of yourself. If you didn't want a crocheted conductors hat what makes you think I will? *cough* Michelle *cough*


The Office Elf
That guy at work that wears a Santa hat everyday and has an impressive amount of ugly Christmas sweaters. He's great for the most part but the daily mass email with a countdown leading up to when "Saaaaaaanta Claus is comin' to town!" is obnoxious. Save all that for the company Christmas party where they provide beverages that make you tolerable.


Scroogy McGrincherson
What's this dude's deal? They hate everything, groan every time they hear Christmas music, everything remotely cheerful is stupid...you get the picture. You can't help but wonder what went so horribly wrong with their childhood that would have made them hate literally THE most wonderful time of the year and unfortunately there isn't a town full of Who's or three ghosts to help them see the light. Give them a hug and maybe a Starbucks gift card. They need it


The "Drunk Uncle"
SNL's Bobby Moynihan personifies this perfectly. Doesn't necessarily have to be your uncle but there is always that one family member, friend or long lost classmate you might see out at the bar who has had a little too much to drink and starts sobbing about life's disparities and their untapped potential. It is ok to sympathize with this person briefly, but find your escape route quickly. Before you know it your shoulder is soaked with tears and whiskey and you've learned more about that person than you thought possible. Those are precious hours of your life you'll never get back and no matter how hard you try you can never un-see someone's third nipple.


Hometown Big Shot
Maybe they weren't the coolest kid in high school or maybe they were. Either way, they think they've got it going on and they are going to take the opportunity to make it known. Curious about what they're up to, where they work, who they're dating, what kind of car they drive? No? Doesn't matter. They're going to tell you and trust and believe that whatever they've been doing is way cooler than anything you have to talk about. You'll know this because they'll tell you.


The Holiday Traveler
Wherever you're going, however you're getting there, it isn't important. THIS person is important. I assume they must have foreign dignitaries waiting for them at their destination; they're just sitting in economy with the rest of us by accident. If you are lucky enough to be on a flight with this individual go ahead and order a double because you are in for a trip. No one is in as big a hurry as they are, no one knows the troubles they've seen, I'm sure they are the only one with a connecting flight, their families probably love them more and are more excited to be seeing them and "um, excuse me? do you know who I am?!" No, I don't and if you even think about moving my carry on to make room for your Old Navy pea coat we are going to join the mile high fight club. Douche.


Odds are you will encounter one of if not all of these types of people this holiday season and when you do don't let them put a damper on spirit. The holidays are for spending time with the people you care about most and celebrating Baby Jesus. You just do you, pop in Mariah Carey's Christmas album and drink all the spiked cider you can stomach. Be a Back Home Baller. Enjoy your time at home seeing friends and family your ever so demanding schedule has kept you from, appreciate the attentiveness of your adoring parents and be prepared to awkwardly chat it up with old people who still think its acceptable to comment on how much you've grown. Thanks to the ladies at Saturday Night Live there's a full tutorial below.


Love Always,

Lil Baby Haley

 

Big City, Southern Biddies

This year I along with two of my best friends, Anna and Michelle, celebrated our first ever FRIENDSGIVING! Because all of our close friends are at different points in their life and spread out all across the east coast we thought it'd be cool to spend Thanksgiving together in New York City! We were all super excited about it and I started packing weeks in advance which I know is overzealous, but when packing for a weekend I struggle finding a balance between packing the bare necessities and "I'll definitely need 4 fur vests for a 3 day trip". Next thing you know my check bag weighs 65 pounds and I'm calling Michelle the night before we leave so she can talk me out of bringing the 12 scarves I have in my carryon.

We left on Wednesday and naturally there was a plethora of flight delays that pushed mine and Anna's ETA back about 5 hours but as long as we got there that was cool with me. That just meant I got to spend more time people watching in the airport. Score! I swear I will never understand the process some people go through when they are deciding what to wear on a plane. I mean, they act like the airport is some magical place where no one else has eyes and it is completely acceptable for them to where kitten heels with sweatpants. For those of you reading this and wondering...its not ok.

But, after 8 hours of traveling, spending 2 hours trying to find Anna in JFK, an almost near death experience on an AirTrain and an hour subway ride at one in the morning we arrived at our destination. I knew we were in for an interesting trip. Not only because we were in a city where having a southern accent is the equivalent of having a baby arm protruding from your forehead, but we were spending the first 2 nights of our journey in a hostel.

Now I'm not saying the hostel was bad, its just a place you'd never want to walk around barefoot and I'm almost positive we slept on child sized bunk beds with yoga mat mattresses. We met interesting people and were able to take hot showers which is important...I only wish some of the other inhabitants shared the same appreciation for soap and water. Also, there was always really loud music playing and when I say always I mean ALWAYS. I guess most would consider it a perk of having the room on the first floor of a five story walk up but I personally almost never want to hear Dave Matthews playing at maximum volume especially at 4:30 in the morning. Overall it was cool though. I would post pictures but some things aren't worth giving your mother a heart attack over. All that matters is that we are alive, right?

Running off of 3 hours of sleep we woke up super early to fulfill our childhood dreams of watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It was great. I had Snoopy on my mind all morning until I stepped off the subway and the FIRST face I saw was none other than Nigel Barker! If you are sitting there wondering who the hell I'm talking about you should really step up your reality television game. Mr. Barker, or Nigel as I like to refer to him, is the tall, beautiful, British, photographer judge from America's Next Top Model so naturally seeing him made floating cartoon dogs semi-irrelevant. We exchanged words and he smiled at me twice so we're basically friends now.     *flips hair*

Oh, and we had matching shirts.

From there the days were a blur. Michelle had volunteered to plan all of the daytime activities and  our days started early and were nonstop. I on the other hand was in charge of all the nighttime festivities. Even though she didn't come equipped with a landmarked map (with a legend) laying out all of the bars, their specials and what they are known for (food, drink prices, men in uniform, etc.) as I had done, she did a pretty good job navigating us through all of the touristy stuff. I got to "meet" my idol (Mrs. Beyoncé Giselle Knowles Carter) at the wax museum, we were given a tour of Rockefeller Center by a certified wackadoodle doo, rode on a water taxi that served booze and even got to hangout with a "famous" music producer who actually turned out to be a creepasaurus rex who lived above the bar we were in and dabbled in recreational narcotics...and that was only day one!

I know you're probably thinking, "Wow, those girls were out there owning that city and my gosh aren't they attractive!" which is only half true. We thought we were dominating city life until a mishap with the subway system put a damper on our confidence. By day two were mostly like "yeah, that'll probably get us where we need to go...let's take this train" and that had worked for us until we were trying to get home from a bar in Chelsea (not drunk). We took some color train that sounded right until we had been riding for what seemed like a very long time and it went from stopping at numbered streets to street names that didn't sound familiar at all. Because we are cool, calm and collected we freaked out and got off the train praying we were only a block or two from our place only to get to the street to find that we had made a detour to Harlem. Now considering I had been begging Michelle and Anna to make a stop in Harlem to see The Apollo and other historic venues you'd think I'd be thrilled but this extremely quiet, armored window part of the neighborhood wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Nothing against Harlem itself, I just assume it looks better in the daytime and I would just rather not be in any poorly lit part of town after spending the day wearing boots that were NOT made for walking. At that point in time the mere thought of having to run from anyone/anything made my knees hurt. Plus, I knew if anything were to go down it would be up to me to be the hero and I was too tired to be Olivia Benson. Thankfully we made it home safe and sound thanks to the help of an extremely inappropriate security guard who insisted we each give him a hug and kiss. Nope!

As sad as we were to leave behind our sleep away camp nightmare, the following day our prayers were answered and we were able to move our things to a loft on the Lower East Side that is operated by the college Michelle and I graduated from. Sooooo nice! Only set back was that our check out and check in times conflicted and we had a few hours to kill. This meant that wherever we went our luggage went with us. Originally we had planned to drag our things (and I literally mean drag) to be in the crowd at The TODAY Show so I could possibly embarrass my mother on national television but when we arrived to find that 1,000 other people had the same idea, most of whom were middle aged Matt Lauer groupies, we decided to go to the top of The Empire State Building instead.

That's right people...we took all of our belongings to the top of the city. While it was as inconvenient as it was embarrassing, how many people can say that their cutest winter ensembles have been 86 floors above Manhattan?

We did just about every sightseeing/tourist activity imaginable but my favorite adventure would have to be our visit to Chinatown. I felt like Dorothy when she first got to The Emerald City. Hundreds of people a foot or more shorter than me running around offering to give me almost luxurious items. As soon as we stepped onto Canal St. a tiny woman bundled up like Yukon Cornelius popped out of nowhere and started whispering, "Michael Kors? Louis Vuitton? Gucci? Pradaaaa? Whatever you like we have, ok?" She kept signaling for us to go with her and I could tell Michelle and Anna were thinking "Nah" but I grabbed them and next thing they knew we are chasing the fastest walker I had ever seen through a jungle of handbags and sparkly knockoffs. She led us to a quiet sidewalk between two buildings and told me to stand behind a potted bush.

Now, I use the term bush loosely because this wasn't anything close to it. She told my big ass to wait behind Charlie Brown's Christmas tree while her, Snoopy and Woodstock rummaged through their trunk to find "Bootafull handbag make look nice". Aside from their poor waiting area I was actually pretty impressed with their system. I had handbags and watches coming at me left and right and if I inquired about something they didn't have they would simply whip out their flip phone and in seconds another lady would appear with the exact item behind the tree. Michelle even had a woman try to sell her sunglasses without speaking a word, moving only her eyebrows and motioning to a plastic bag with her various facial expressions. It was both entertaining and incredibly uncomfortable.

Our last day was pretty relaxing. We got really nerdy and visited lots of museums, ate street pretzels and almost accidentally became the pigeon lady from Home Alone after dropping pieces of said pretzels, had a nice dinner and were almost "Taken" and traded into European sex trafficking!

We decided to visit this cool rooftop bar that provided plush red robes for you to wear if you were cold (we obviously took advantage of the photo op) and they had some famous DJ we had never heard of playing on the main level. We didn't plan on staying long but we met a group of guys from Liverpool (not the sex traffickers) and they convinced us to be their best friends. However, we were briefly separated from our Brits and this slob kabob made his way over to our table. We were instantly creeped out as he kept trying to convince us to go with him to the Meatpacking District.
Bye Felicia!

I noticed that he kept wandering around by himself most likely trying to spit the same line to other dumb biddies. Later we were reunited with our friends and a small man with frosted tips approached Michelle and told her to go with him to the Meatpacking District. Weird, right? All red flags start to go up and I notice he keeps looking back at a table full of fat, old men who have their sweater vests tucked into their jeans. Turns out these are Dutch "businessmen" who "trying to make new friends with beautiful ladies". I called bullshit. Towards the end of the night the same Tinkerbelle man came over for one last plea for us to PLEASE go with the group of men. At this point I had words with  the little man and I'm not going to say what words I used but most of them started with "F" and apparently that word is universal regardless of your native language because he immediately vanished.

Overall we couldn't have asked for a better experience. I never thought I would enjoy NYC as much as I did but the city has an energy that is unlike anything I have ever experienced. While there were some who could obviously tell we were newbies and tried to bamboozle us, we met some awesome people and made a lot of friends who saw past our RBF (resting bitch faces) and showed us a great time. Shout out to the Irish waiter who is destined to marry Anna, the guys from the Bronx who were the four best, closest friends anyone could have (one of whom is a uber talented recording artist who can saaaaaang, honey) and our British dudes who showed us how a man should really dress...you're the real MVP's.

We love New York...and shortly after my mother reads this I'm sure she will be against us ever going back there again.


Yolo, Mom.

The Sassy Southern Mess

Hey Y'all!

After many years of careful consideration and internal debate I have finally decided to become a "blogger". In a nutshell, I'm simply a southern raised twenty something who is trying to find a balance between 401K planning and whether or not I should eat Ramen in order to save money for weekend activities. My mother raised me to be a lady while my father taught me to speak my mind and in turn I am stuck somewhere between "Bless Your Heart" and "Kiss My Ass".

One day I woke up to a world where day drinking on a Tuesday was frowned upon and I was expected to actually find a way to provide for myself. It was horrible and I am still recovering.

So far my twenties have been THE weirdest period of my life and that includes the time I cut my own bangs when I was eight years old and got my yearbook picture taken with all five of my Spice Girl dolls. Along the way my peers have somehow evolved into 4 types of people: Some are getting married and having children (no seriously, like their own children...on purpose!) buying houses and embracing the permanence of their life decisions, others are continuing their education and prolonging the inevitable of having to actually settle into a field they'll probably hate, and some are still stuck in college mode, continuing to party 4-5 days a week and talk about how "turnt" they are getting on social media. I'm actually really thankful for the last group for obvious reasons but mostly because when I'm having a bad day I can think of them and justify treating myself to the pair of shoes I have been wanting to order online because "I could be doing way worse, right?"

Then there's people like me. I've accepted the fact that I'm no longer a college coed, I currently have no desire to further my education and the thought of growing a human inside me only to one day force it out and give it all of my money for the next 18-26 years terrifies me. I'm responsible enough to have a job, exist in corporate America and earn a decent living, but I still enjoy eating cereal with marshmallows in it and sometimes I accidentally leave my flat iron on for an entire day.

So, until I get a hang of this whole adulthood mumbo jumbo, I'll share my hot-mess of a life with you guys. I can't promise that it will be pretty, but reading about my life will probably make you feel really good about yourself....like really good.


(I would like to apologize to my mother in advance.)