I am thankful that I was raised by my crazy southern mother. That's right, I said it!
Not saying that there is anything wrong with how you were raised I'm just saying that you missed out. Sorry bout' it. I'm not talking about the Lilly Pulitzer infused, go to college to earn your MRS degree, sip tea with your pinkies out south (not that I don't have an appreciation for some of those things), I'm talking bout' the good ol' "yes ma'am", mo' butter mo' better, eating at your grandmother's house every Sunday kind of southern upbringing.
My mother was born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia and when she married my dad and moved to his somewhat rural hometown in North Carolina to live on a farm, she evolved into a magnolia hybrid who eventually developed an equal appreciation for designer handbags and deer antler home décor. Even though she has spent most of my life convincing others that I am in fact her daughter because I GUESS its hard to believe that a tiny blonde lady could somehow be responsible for the creation of a 6'1" brunette with shoulders a JV football player would kill for, the older I get the more I slowly transform into my mom and my sharp tongue and conversational hand gestures are the only proof my friends need to remind me of that on a daily basis. I learned everything I know from Crazy and since today is her birthday I couldn't think of any better way to show my appreciation for my tell it like it is, hilarious, sometimes embarrassing southern biddy of a mother.
1. You can never put a price tag on a good hair day.
2. Designing Women isn't "just a show" and there is much to learn from it's characters.
3."You don't drink to get drunk"
Well, then you're doing it wrong.
4. Any minor "problem" can be fixed with a fresh pedicure and eyebrow wax. It's literally like you are a new person.
5. Never underestimate the power of manners, proper etiquette and southern hospitality
6.There's always room for a monogram and its completely normal to have quotes embroidered on various objects throughout your house.
My mother actually has this one in our kitchen. #Bless
7. You should always have the ingredients to whip up an impromptu meal as you never know who might stop by and invite themselves to stay for dinner.
8. "Dry it up. Crying never accomplished anything."
8. I can always count on her to have an opinion about what I'm wearing and she'll say stuff like: "You should probably get a spray tan before you wear that" or "Aren't you a little old to be wearing shirts with words on them?"
Who knew graphic tees had an age limit?
9. Sometimes its best to bite your tongue and let your face do the talking. Lord knows if looks could kill my mother would have been on the FBI's Watch List a long time ago.
10. Always save your bacon grease because FLAVOR that's why.
Also, when in doubt add butter.
11. A weekly trip to your local TJ Maxx or Marshall's is necessary and it's completely acceptable that the cashiers know you by name.
12. Supposedly using profanity isn't "ladylike"
...well shit
13. There is no limit to how much reality television is acceptable to watch on a weekly basis!
14. Best friends are as good as family and you should always look after each other.
#FiercelyLoyal
15. Take care of your brother.
The only 4 yr old to ever to dominate business in the front, party in the back
I am thankful for what my mother tried to instill in me and I was obviously more susceptible to some things more than others. I could go into detail about the meaningful, character building, sentimental attributes my mother also passed along to me but that would require me to get emotional and that's not what this blogging thing is all about! Regardless of how crazy my mother is she is my Crazy. My friends and I typically refer to her as just that, a term of endearment of course, but we better not hear about anyone else trying it!
Some of the best one liners I have ever heard have come from my mother when my girlfriends and I are getting ready to go out on the town and you can almost guarantee that before we head out she will make it known that "There is nothing worse than that drunk girl at the bar. I better not hear about any of y'all being that girl." I wish I could say that we never let her down but I can promise you we never let her find out about it. Actually, looking back all the questionable things we've done or gotten in trouble for were all things she warned us about. Good looking out, Mom!
I wouldn't be the strong, straight shooting woman I am today had it not been for her. My dad played a big part in my development too of course but I'll leave that for another post. Mom, I am thankful for you. Even though you sometimes drive me crazy and I'm almost positive that if given the choice my friends would rather hangout with you any day, I love you more than all the shoes in your closet and all the Real Housewives episodes you've DVR'd. Thank you for claiming me even after that time I cussed out that referee at a basketball tournament when I was 14 (we can agree that he deserved it). Lady, you are a gem! Also, I'm sorry for that time I set the carpet on fire in the playroom upstairs and lied about it. At the time I had no idea hairspray was so flammable.
Happy 30th Birthday, Mom!
shhh...just go with it
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