College was the shit. I mean lets be honest. Minimal responsibility, simplified freedom, tons of friends and fun things to do. It was ignorant bliss. We grew up hearing all the "grown ups" preach to us that its hard in the real world and enjoy every second of your youth while you can but we of course ignored them and counted the minutes to graduation, anxiously awaiting our official adulthood and self sufficiency. We were stupid.
They told us it would be hard but they were vague, ok. I was under the impression that it would be a gradual progression into the lives that we were accustomed to seeing our much older influences live but I quickly learned it wasn't a graceful transition. The once coveted post graduate years have proven to be, at times, really effing tough. We live in this "grown up but not" world that was thrust upon us where we pretend to have it all together and be self-sufficient while we actually have no idea what we're doing 93% of the time and have at least three "shhhhhiiiitttttttt" moments a day.
So for all you up and coming baby children, I've decided to prepare you for the unavoidable day in your life when you wish you hadn't taken your college years for granted and maybe even failed a class or two to prolong the greatest years of your life.
1. Your friends will be in 100 different places. For four years all of your favorite people were in walking distance of you and now a group text is the closest thing you have to a hangout. You have to learn to respect that everyone is living their life at different speeds and still find ways to relate and understand each other. If you're lucky enough to have true, genuine friends you eventually understand that the distance doesn't affect your relationships. When you are finally reunited (after intense planning, scheduling and most likely at a wedding) it's just like old times.
2. Relationships and dating take a lot of unnecessary energy. There's an unspoken pressure when you're in your twenties that you need/must settle down with whatever clingy, moderately acceptable person who decides to pursue you as a prospect. If you haven't already, you will eventually wish that arranged marriages were still a thing so you would have one less thing to worry with and your parents and/or friends would quit talking about it. Life doesn't have to always be a fairytale, people. After all, Cinderella didn't ask her fairy godmother for prince charming, all she wanted was a night out and a new dress. I mean she didn't even make it home with both shoes. She was a mess.
3.You are older than most of pop culture's elite and have a lot less money. Let that sink in for a second. I am older than Megan Fox, Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton and most of the Jonas Brothers...ugh, I need a drink.
4. Regardless of how hard you worked in college and in your first years after graduation you probably won't be working your "dream job". Apparently your twenties are a time when you have to pay your dues but it will pay off eventually...right? *chugs previously poured drink*
5. Even though you are bringing in a steady, continuous income you will never feel like you have enough money. You're not broke but you might as well be because what your responsible side wants is completely different than your irresponsible side. You're constantly conflicted between whether or not to save your money for the future or putting it towards traveling, doing things with your friends and have unforgettable experiences. Also, beer money.
6. Going out will go from being a celebratory weekend activity to being a necessity for networking, your love life and overall sanity. You now have to be responsible when you're out to protect your professional reputation. You accomplish this (sometimes) by not drinking too much and avoiding confrontation which isn't always as easy as it sounds. I always have to remind myself that "I'm an adult now and I have things to do in the morning!" Also, avoid all girls who have erasable eyebrows...they usually try to start the most shit.
7. Your metabolism goes on a seemingly permanent vacation. You'll think, "Man I wish I was as skinny as I was when I thought I was fat in high school." Also, managing your hair growth will become a full time job. There will literally be hair everywhere. There's so much hair in my drain I expect it to get up and walk out of my apartment at any moment.
8. Your parents won't agree with 100% of what you do, say, wear, purchase, drink etc. and they won't be shy about letting you know. But they'll love you anyways.
9. 401K, Roth IRA, retirement benefits, stock and investment options, car troubles, scheduling your own doctors appointments, bills, taxes, health insurance buy ups etc. are all things that you need to know about. You can only call your parents so many times while signing a contract for your job before your boss starts to question your mental capacity.
10. You never "knew it all". You will gain an appreciation for your parents that you never thought possible and they will become your best friends if they weren't already. As much as you thought you needed to spread your wings and fly off to a far away place to make a life for yourself, you'll still find yourself looking to them for advice, guidance and encouragement. The fact that you can still do that is probably the best part of your twenties. However, I should warn you that parenting knows no boundaries and your mom will still attempt to parent everything you do even from 1,000 miles away.
God speed.
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